First league game tonight. Felt so helpless. While my team mates were warming up for the game, I was at home lying up on bed like a useless bum. Since that shin injury and operation, I had felt lost and detached.
I missed soccer more than anything.
On the morning of the operation, my team was playing a friendly game. That was the first time I felt I am not where I should be. The first game since I wore no.1 that I wasn't present. Nobody except my coach knew my absence until that morning. I entered the operating theatre at half time, and emerged with an sms telling me I had been replaced. The substitute keeper was exactly who I had in mind.
First heart pain.
I couldn't sleep even though I was dead tired. I felt my legs were detached from me. Absolutely no strength to move them. The hole was still deep and painful. It was the thought of my team mates far away on the soccer field that kept me waiting through that 90 minutes.
I was fidgety. I looked at my handphone for any updates almost every 5 minutes.
I badly wanted to know how they fare. I wished they could win, because it is my team they represent. But there is this nagging feeling deep inside me. I wanted them to lose terribly, I couldn't bear the thought of a person who has only trained a week to play better than me between the posts.
If only I could be a gracious sportsman and suppress this feeling.
They came after the game. My coach and my team mates actually came to see me after the game! I was touched. I missed them all. I found I could joke and laugh with them as though I had known them for ages. They had come to see an injured team mate. They told me they lost 0-3 to U-19. Incredibly, my first thought was 'oh dear, we lost'. It was hours after that I realised: someone has done much better than I did. I made it 0-4 in a half on my debut, she made 0-3 in an entire game. I did a 0-4 against U-19 after 2 years, she could do 0-3 after a week's training. She's certainly the future of our team. I'm proud. I'm jealous.
Tonight, I felt I'm only wanted by my soccer team. One week more before I return to school. I really didn't want to return.
Throughout the week, I'm made to feel like a soccer player, not a student.
I missed soccer more than anything.
On the morning of the operation, my team was playing a friendly game. That was the first time I felt I am not where I should be. The first game since I wore no.1 that I wasn't present. Nobody except my coach knew my absence until that morning. I entered the operating theatre at half time, and emerged with an sms telling me I had been replaced. The substitute keeper was exactly who I had in mind.
First heart pain.
I couldn't sleep even though I was dead tired. I felt my legs were detached from me. Absolutely no strength to move them. The hole was still deep and painful. It was the thought of my team mates far away on the soccer field that kept me waiting through that 90 minutes.
I was fidgety. I looked at my handphone for any updates almost every 5 minutes.
I badly wanted to know how they fare. I wished they could win, because it is my team they represent. But there is this nagging feeling deep inside me. I wanted them to lose terribly, I couldn't bear the thought of a person who has only trained a week to play better than me between the posts.
If only I could be a gracious sportsman and suppress this feeling.
They came after the game. My coach and my team mates actually came to see me after the game! I was touched. I missed them all. I found I could joke and laugh with them as though I had known them for ages. They had come to see an injured team mate. They told me they lost 0-3 to U-19. Incredibly, my first thought was 'oh dear, we lost'. It was hours after that I realised: someone has done much better than I did. I made it 0-4 in a half on my debut, she made 0-3 in an entire game. I did a 0-4 against U-19 after 2 years, she could do 0-3 after a week's training. She's certainly the future of our team. I'm proud. I'm jealous.
Tonight, I felt I'm only wanted by my soccer team. One week more before I return to school. I really didn't want to return.
Throughout the week, I'm made to feel like a soccer player, not a student.
posted by mathslover @ 11:57 PM
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